I want to remember

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the memories that I have of myself growing up and all the things I can possibly remember. The good and the bad memories. I feel like I am beginning to forget more and more of the little things and I really don’t want to.

For instance, I was bathing our 3 month old daughter. My husband had yet to give her a bath since she was born because he was afraid of something going wrong. I can’t blame him. Anyways, I asked him if he remembered bathing our son when he was a baby. He said he couldn’t really remember. I also could not remember something as simple as how, where, and when we bathed our son as a baby. Now this is only nearly 4 years since the fact. How can we forget something like that? 4 years really is not that long. At least it doesn’t seem like it’s that long when your child is growing right in front of your eyes and it seems like just the other day you were bringing him home from the hospital.

I don’t want to forget all the little moments. All the smiles and laughs. All the boo-boos and learning new things. I want to remember these things not only for myself, but also for my children.

I can ask my parents something about me from when I was younger and they often do not remember. I want to remember.

It’s like what Forrest Gump says, “You know it’s funny what a young man recollects? ‘Cause I don’t remember bein’ born. I don’t recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don’t know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.”

I don’t want to forget, although I honestly have started to. I can’t seem to remember my son’s firsts of nearly everything. First holidays, first words, and all the milestones that any parent looks forward to. Thank goodness for pictures and videos. I even am thankful for social media because it reminds me of those special times.

But then, I can remember the most random things about something even longer ago that I personally don’t hold as a treasured memory. How can I choose what to forget and what not to forget? Is that even a possible thing, choosing your long term memories?

Then I start to wonder if maybe these are really early signs of possible dementia or Alzheimer’s. To my knowledge I don’t know of anyone I am related to that had either one of those things, but they also were not the best at keeping records. So that is not impossible.

Maybe I am going to be that “crazy mom” who keeps everything my kids create. I do have a file started for my son. I mean, I would like to see the things I would have made when I was younger. It is funny to look back and see the progression that you have made. I figure, maybe my children would like to have things to look back on to; more than baby books *which yes they both have one*.

I like the idea of family vlogging because then you really have those memories forever. I wish I had more home videos (hooray for VHS tapes) of my grandparents. As our families are getting older I am starting to realize we truly won’t be around forever and eventually we will just be a memory to the people who love us. I want more than just a memory. I want to see it and see them again. To see what they were once like. As an adult I find myself wishing I had more information on my ancestors and wishing I could know what they were like, what they did, how they dressed, and just everything that made them who they are.

I want to give my kids something that they can hold onto and look back on when they have questions. When THEY want to remember.

I don’t want to forget the little things because in the end it is the little things that count.